There is apparently a popular television show called “Keeping Up with the Kardashians,” which follows the fortunes of a family of wealthy celebrities by that name. I’d never seen it before today, though I’m aware that it has been widely hailed as a sign of the decline of Western culture.
But now fate has brought me and the reviled entertainment product together, since one of the Kardashians—please don’t ask me which one; she seems to be some sort of matriarch—visited the giant Los Angeles studio of the artist Mr. Brainwash in a recent episode, which, if you are a masochist, you can view here.
You may know Herr Brainwash from his appearance in the Banksy mockumentary, Exit Through the Gift Shop, in which the famed anonymous street artist expresses regret at encouraging Brainwash’s aesthetic pursuits. Brainwash is known for cute graffiti-laden images of celebrities like Kate Moss, Mickey Mouse, and Andy Warhol.
Corey is a fan.
But the reason we’re here today is that Mr. Brainwash, for some reason, has painted the women of the Kardashian clan, whose names apparently all start with the letter K, in pretty dresses in a pretty landscape in an Impressionist style that resembles the pretty confections of the French painter Pierre-Auguste Renoir.
This alliance among the three notorious families—Kardashian, Renoir, and Brainwash—will doubtless bring succor to the 19th-century painter’s detractors, who have taken to museums across the US to denounce his “feathery bullshit.”
In the episode, the artist shows the visiting Kardashian the painting, to a predictably rapturous reaction.
“That’s good art,” says a man named Corey, who is also present.
The Kardashian matriarch did a studio visit with Mr. Brainwash.
“That is so crazy,” says Kardashian mère, laughing, and goes on to remark on her spawn as depicted in the canvas.
“Look how pretty Kourtney looks, and Khloe, like, ‘You bitches better take the picture now, ‘cause I’m not sitting here any more.”
“Ha! I can’t believe this! I have to give you a hug for doing this!”
As she hugs him, she knocks off his fedora.
“You’re so cute!”
One of the celebrities is married to the rapper Kanye West, and the Kardashian matriarch inquires about the artist’s depiction of him, which she has apparently heard about, whereupon Señor Brainwash shows her a small portrait of the presidential contender and Ben Carson admirer, created from vinyl LPs.
Mr. Brainwash also depicted Kanye West, who is married to a Kardashian.
This confuses the matriarch, who wonders whether Kanye was recording before music “switched over” from vinyl to CDs, though records are still a thing, as Brainwash seemingly gnomically reminds her, saying, “Everything that you see is records.”