Everyone has heard of ugly Christmas sweaters and the parties and contests they inspire around this time of year. In the course of our Christmas shopping we were surprised and amused to discover that J. Peterman peddles something known as the “Drouot Auction Sweater.” Drouot is a large auction house in Paris that houses dozens of independent auctioneering firms, selling a wide range of decorative art, fine art, and antiquities. Fittingly for J. Peterman, who clearly has bought here, he believes your clothes should complement your mood when you’re involved in a heated bidding war…we think?

Here’s the description: “Drouot Auction Sweater (No. 4475). Soft cotton. Rib mock collar. Antique brass zipper with leather pull at front neck. Ribbed cuffs and hem band. Imported.” It comes in colors including “Orange Rust, Blue, and Oatmeal.”

And of course, in classic J. Peterman style, or as we’ve seen him depicted semi-fictitiously on Seinfeld episodes, the globe-trotting merchant has an entertaining vignette about bidding on a 17th-century Chippendale farm table:

“It is alarming how fast the French speak when threatened.

My bid is still alive a few more seconds: 3… 2…

It’s a 17th century Chippendale farm table. You’ll see it soon (hopefully).

Yes, I’m sweating. Hotel Drouot Richelieu is a tense Parisian contest.

Rosoff, my friend, the one yelling back in French, seems unusually relaxed, casual. This light cotton sweater he’s wear testing for me seems to comfort him. He winks at me, immediately throwing up his hand to the reluctant counter, further frustrating the old money across the room fumbling with his small dog.

Maybe it’s these colors, or the soft triple washed cotton, or…

“Sold, Mssr Peterman!”

J. Peterman’s “Drouot Auction” Sweater.

We’re not sure if it helps win every bidding war. No matter what duds you’re wearing, the one thing you need when buying Monet is lots of money—but for $118, you can at least look auction ready.

Happy Holidays from artnet News!