Danish Artist Paints Kim Kardashian Portrait Using His Penis

Uwe Max Jensen

Kim Kardashian’s #BreakTheInternet cover for Paper magazine really is the gift that just keeps on giving. Giving unpleasant but viral Internet content, that is. This one comes from the Daily Dot, which reports that a Danish artist named Uwe Max Jensen has created a portrait of the iconic image—using just paint and his penis.

Weirdly, the painting is pretty accurate. This is because, according to the artist, this particular body part is simply more skilled than the rest. Like, MFA-level skilled. “I have my penis in one hand and the canvas in the other,” he explained. “I have a very skilled penis, art-wise.”

That’s certainly one we could have used for our 9 pick-up lines guaranteed (not) to work at Art Basel list.

Jensen, who is best known for performance art stunts like decapitating a statue of the Little Mermaid and urinating in a water sculpture at a Danish Museum, fancies himself a modern day Andy Warhol, with Kardashian playing the role of muse Marilyn Monroe.

“No one comes close to Marilyn Monroe, but I think Kim Kardashian is a sort of Marilyn Monroe of this decade, [but] Warhol used a mechanical technique, and I used an organic technique.”

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