Not another art fair week already. Head through the New York fairs with our drinking game rules and we guarantee you’ll be bending the elbow a lot—so much so that every Koons may begin to look like a masterpiece.

Take a sip of Champagne whenever:

1.) Anyone who greets Jeffrey Deitch claims “we were supporting you all along.” Down the glass, laugh, and get another if they’re from LA.

2.) You see an artist’s work that looks just like Wade Guyton’s.

3.) You spot anyone wearing Vanity Project Salon nails.

4.) Someone says, “The best thing here is Roberta’s Pizza.” (Take multiple sips if that’s right.)

5.) An art dealer who last year told you his booth was sold out now tells you he’s selling much better than last year.

6.) A celebrity appears. Two sips if the celeb is anywhere but in Gagosian’s or Gavin Brown’s booth.

7.) Anyone in a Hugo Boss suit enters a VIP lounge.

8.) You spot someone wearing sunglasses indoors. Two sips if they have sheer frames with dark lenses, which, judging from the crowd at the Met Gala, is the look for summer 2014.

9.) You overhear the phrase, at Pulse or NADA, “We are not a gallery, we’re more of a project space.”

10.) Someone’s sitting on Nordic furniture at Collective.

11.) Someone asks: “What exactly does Artsy do?”

12.) You catch a noted art dealer skimming the erotic books at the Frieze bookstore, or waiting for the tent’s grates to blow up someone’s dress.

13.) Glenn Lowry arrives at a fair. Take additional sips for every person following him who is trying to pretend they are just moving casually through the show.

14.) Someone says, “It took too long to get here—where’s the Champagne?”